Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.
I’m not beautiful.
I don’t have that poetic sadness inside me; I have
ugly grey demons with vicious
yellow fangs and long, sharp claws that have left infectious wounds on the backs of my eyes.
I have no soft, freckled skin, gently kissed by the sun.
I have crimson scars mapping out my disease and I am the captain of this sinking ship.
You won’t find me casually pacing in empty book store aisles awaiting for someone to take notice.
You will find me silent in my bed on a Friday nite underlining paragraphs that prolong my throat from giving guidance to a dozen slender white pills.
I will not pour my hopeless tangents into your lap and hope for acceptance. I will ignore them so well that even God thinks I’m fine.
And I will laugh at things that are funny and more so at things that are not. I will drag myself out of bed on Monday mornings and go to work and I will go grocery shopping when my cabinets are bare. I will go to the bank and make small talk with the teller. I will sit in traffic and sing along to my favourite songs. I will get drunk and find traces of everyone I once loved in the tequila. I will smile at my boss’ advances and casually wipe them off.
I am not something happiness knows of and sadness is far too lovely anymore to make home in my veins.
I lay somewhere in between, going through the motions and holding the door open for the phantoms of my past.
1. Last kiss
2. Last phone call
3. Last text message
4. Last song you listened to
5. Last time you cried
6. Dated someone twice
7. Been cheated on
8. Kissed someone and regretted it
9. Lost someone special
10. Been depressed
11. Been drunk and threw up
15. Made a new friend
17. Laughed until you cried
18. Met someone who changed you
19. Found out who your true friends were
20. Found out someone was talking about you
26. What did you do for your last Birthday
27. What time did you wake up today
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for
30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life
32. What are you listening to right now
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now
35. Most visited webpage
36. Favorite colour
38. Relationship Status
39. Zodiac sign
40. Male or female
41. Primary school
42. Secondary School
43. High school/college
44. Eye color
47. Do you have a crush on someone
48. What do you like about yourself
51. Righty or lefty
53. First piercing
54. First best friend
55. First hookup
56. First Bestfriend
61. I'm about to
62. Listening to
63. Waiting for
64. Want kids?
65. Get married?
67. Lips or eyes
68. Hugs or kisses
69. Shorter or taller
70. Older or Younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms
73. Sensitive or loud
74. Hook-up or relationship
76. Kissed a stranger
77. Drank hard liquor
78. Lost glasses/contacts
79. Had sex
80. Broken someone's heart
82. Been arrested
83. Turned someone down
84. Cried when someone died
85. Fallen for a friend
88. Love at first sight
90. Santa Clause
91. Kiss on the first date
93. How would you label yourself?
94. Someone You Pray Everyday For
95. Did you sing today
96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?
100. Do you like the way you look